Some who have read my blog have commented that I’m up and down.
So what if I am? Does that invalidate what I write?
I’ve never claimed to be perfect, and I don’t claim to be enlightened. I am simply one who is walking on the path to awakening and this blog is about my journey — which isn’t perfect. No journey to awakening is.
If I ever fully realise the end of suffering, perhaps my moments of weakness will comfort others when they read it. Show how human I was. I often find it comforting when I hear monks and advanced practitioners talk about the struggles they went through on the path. It makes what they say more relatable, it validates their words. I find those Dhamma teachers the most authentic and inspiring. I respect and admire them for their honesty.
It’s like that story of Jesus cursing the fig tree. I never judged him for that. I just found that story oddly comforting. That even he wasn’t perfect, he had his moments of weakness too. We all do if we’re honest.
This idea of having to be perfect it puts so much pressure on us.
Making mistakes is human. I find it inspiring when I read about saintly people who struggled and eventually overcame their defilements. It comforts me because it makes me think if they can do it, so can I. It reminds me that struggle is part of this journey and it doesn’t make me a fraud when I fail. It encourages me to keep going. To persevere. That the path does eventually bear fruit.
I think it is a mistake to put saints on a pedestal.
The spiritual path is not easy. It is bloody difficult to overcome the defilements in the mind. It’s the hardest thing to do in the world.
Of course there’s going to be a struggle. It may be that in the future others who read my words will find comfort that I didn’t find it easy. Maybe they will also be going through similar struggles and find it encouraging that they are not alone in that.
The Buddha struggled on his own journey to awakening. He did some daft things that he regretted later. He nearly died at one point when he was practising painful asceticism. He wasted five years of his life on those useless practices until the penny finally dropped, and he realised what he was doing wasn’t the way out of suffering. He failed many times on his own journey to awakening before he finally got it right.
I try to write honestly about my spiritual journey. I don’t hide my vulnerability.
I find it endearing when people talk openly about their struggles on the path and how they eventually overcame them. It makes them more relatable. It inspires me to continue on the path. It encourages me. Makes me feel less alone, and that it is possible to realise what others who have gone before me have realised. That it can be done.
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